Live. Laugh. Learn. Come. Read about me.

Photo

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 02:32:50 -0400

Alone.

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 23:50:14 -0400

Here in my room, just thinking and writing my thoughts out. Saw my baby today, which undoubtedly, is the best thing. Missing something in my life, or am I? Is it love that I’m missing? But, what is love? I don’t know what that is. And, if it is, what I think it is- I don’t want it! Get it away! I doubt I’m wife material, I’m too damaged; or I’ve been taught that I’m damaged. I need to be untaught. I doubt anyone can and will fill that void called LOVE. I think I just need time to heal my wounds and the damage I’ve caused, because of these wounds. I just need to focus on what’s. Important, and that’s my son and I. Am I scared? Maybe just a little. Of the unknown? Who isn’t? All I know is that, right now- I’m at pease. For a little while. When my baby smiles, that’s all that matters. Started photography school on Sep 1st, a positive in my life; that and the fact that I have a job to fall back on and support myself. I know I ca do this! I know I can. Sometime I think to myself: Did I make the right choice? Undoubtedly I have. For if I didn’t, I’d be regretting it, each ad every step of the way- and I don’t. Do I think about his heart? Yes I do. Yet, there are no memories that makes me think about going back. No way. Destroy yourself- I won’t be there. I know I will be just fine. My lord and savior, Jesus Christ will make sure of that..

Photo

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 09:26:04 -0400

10:30am

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 09:21:46 -0400

Waiting for 10:30am to get my fafsa filled out and up and running- photography school, you see. I’m so looking forward to something that’s been in seclusion for a very, very long time. I have got to, and want to do this. That reminds me: get laundry done. My pants and shirts look as bad as they smell.

Scared.

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 01:38:37 -0400

I’m so scared right now, but I left! This time-there won’t be a next time! I’m doing this for my son and myself. I don’t have a place to call my own, but I will definitely be fine. God definitely carries me everywhere! And that is for certain. I’m not scared! I’m just nervous.

In from work and very tired. Need a cup of coffee- exhausted! Wanted to hang out today, but I...

Sat, 06 Aug 2011 20:53:07 -0400

In from work and very tired. Need a cup of coffee- exhausted! Wanted to hang out today, but I guess my friend is just not up to it. I really wanted to get out and unwind. Guess that’s not gonna happen.

Feeling weird today, like any other day, I guess. Not comfortable in my own skin, but I know why. I...

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 13:27:33 -0400

Feeling weird today, like any other day, I guess. Not comfortable in my own skin, but I know why. I wish I felt different. I wish you felt me. Then you would understand.

Photo

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 13:25:59 -0400

Photography.

Tue, 19 Jul 2011 19:19:34 -0400

I need to start working on this art of mine. I would, more than anything, attend svu, but how- when? I have no time. I wouldn’t mind taking an online photography course, still waiting on the information I requested. I need to start working on a photography portfolio. What I need is a camera. A good camera.

Tuesday.

Tue, 12 Jul 2011 19:11:39 -0400

Aahh! Tuesday! This is what I call my staycation. This is the only day I get to stay home from work and do what i feel like doing. I get to plan and figure out what needs to be done for my three ventures. What are my three ventures? Writing, photography and my upcoming business. I’m so happy right now. I don’t have much, but what I do have is what’s important. I thank GOD everyday for what I do have and will have. After I get my car outthe shop, my next move is to get a professional camera. There’s this photography course I want to take just to brush up on some techniques. My first business venture is going to be the judgment recovery business that I’m working on now. The second is a publishing company and the third is more like a hobby, but I would like to make it into a photography company. I’m scared- and that’s the crazy rush that I like!

bendelaney: You Still Can’t Do This With Digital. This is one...

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 15:17:38 -0400

bendelaney:

You Still Can’t Do This With Digital.

This is one of the things I love most about film photography. With all of the great software and hardware that has been created in the last decade, we still don’t have any equivalent to the light table. Of course we have Aperture and Lightroom, iPhoto and Picassa, and all of the (mostly crappy) others; all of which are attempts at replicating what is one of the essential and fundamental joys of photography: editing. The word editing has even lost a great deal of its original meaning—interpreted now to generally mean “using photoshop to mess with an image”—it used to basically mean: looking at photographs with the intention to choose “selects” and “rejects,” and then deciding what to do with the selects.

Software that tries to replicate the feel of a light table will, in my view, never be able to match the experience of the real thing. The reason is simple: with software-based solutions, the layer of abstraction that exists between the viewer and the photographs is, and will always be, inferior to the directness and tactility of one’s own hands and eyes. The software itself is the layer of abstraction, the barrier to full engagement with a photo or group of photos. We move a simulated pointing device (the mouse arrow) around on a two-dimensional screen; and then use it, along with a variety of keyboard commands, to move, manipulate and interact with two dimensional abstractions of our photographs.

With physical photographs on a light table you simply look, move, behold, engage, sort. It’s effortless. Pick up a group of photographs (with your actual hands)… lay them on the table… view them… turn them around… inspect them… bring them close to your face to look closer… hold a loupe to your eye and examine the extraordinary detail and nuance that each photo inherently possesses. If you have never done this, take my word for it: it is magical. Your photographs are no longer an extension of a spectacularly complex system of abstraction. They are real items that you hold in your hands. They exist in space, have weight, texture, depth, smell, sound, color… meaning. They can’t be duplicated easily. They can’t be manipulated easily. They are delicate, even fragile. And yet the realness they posses is strangely potent and intoxicating.

It makes them feel… yes, special.

Stressing and struggling.

Sat, 02 Jul 2011 01:19:21 -0400

I am having such a hard time right now. Part time hustle is not the shit, but it’s the only thing I have right now. I was offered a job today, but I don’t know the details yet. I have to call Daniel tomorrow and see what it is. I hope it has nothing to do with selling. U couldn’t sell water to a well- seriously. Well, I am definitely calling Daniel tomorrow, to discuss further. I hope it’s worth my time. If I can work full time during the day, and keep my part time in the evening, I’ll rock with it.

Erased him.

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 16:06:13 -0400

I erased him. Took him off my fb. It’s childish, I know, but I felt hurt. He called me by a different name- something unpresidented. I didn’t expect that. It killed me. I want him, seriously do “0(. But he wants her. Why else would he have called me by her name? No other reason, but that one. I can’t just- not want him. I feel him, I think him. I’m obssesed.

Tight.

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 00:44:42 -0400

I’m tight right now! How is it that my eye candy called me by another girls name?! Yep! Issue is muerto! Out of sight- out of mind! We don’t talk- now, even less! Fuck a nigga! I’m destroyed. If looks could kill, he’d be dead! Now- he’s out of my system! Screw u!! U ugly anyway?

2:00am

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 02:02:52 -0400

Still up watching that 70’s show. Just thinking about random stuff, and him- RM. Thinking that, he goes online, doesn’t even acknowledge that I’m on- not even to day hello! Fuck him! That’s why, I’m not even stressing him!

Bipolar.

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 21:03:52 -0400

This is just random, but I have to let it out. I hate when I feel this way and today is that day. Am I pushing the right people away, or just the ones that deserve it? I know I have an issue, but it’s my issue. No meds- please!

RM

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 20:16:21 -0400

Why do I do the things I do? I mean, seriously. He is so much younger than me, but what a catch he would be. Virgo and Scorpio, what a pair we would make. We work together and because he works there, my whole day is a breeze. He’s gonna be twenty- one and I’m a mere thirty-eight. He doesn’t even know I exist. He’s a beast- if you ask me, and his smile is, amazing. Oh but so young. His world is totally different than mine. I know that there will never be anything between him and I, but I can’t help to think about the, “what if”? He is still and will always be my eye candy <3

My day off

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:23:39 -0400

My day off

Day off.

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:21:36 -0400

Today was my day off and all I did was absolutely nothing! Might go and watch Hawthorne with the ladies, or just stay here and give in to P’s insecurities. Either way, I’ll still feel miserable. I’ve been miserable since last night. Haven’t been feeling like myself lately, but today was the icing. Freakin’ landscapers with their gasoline filled- handheld- power tools; flooded the whole living room with fumes. Thus causing a headache. It’s always something.

"True grit 4 life!"

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 18:14:27 -0400

“True grit 4 life!”

- ITS